The fly fisherman need not look far to uncover countless articles touting the importance of introducing their children to fly fishing. There is much written about introducing human offspring to the wonders of the outdoor world (apparently human fry spend a great deal of time inside structures, enamored with small electronic devices that offer virtual environments as a substitute for physical activity). Others write that humans are the caretakers of the environment, including rivers, and in order for this role of stewardship to continue into the future, juvenile fly fishing people must gain an appreciation for the resources so that they may grow into caretakers themselves. This may all be well and good, however what the myriad articles fail to paint is another perspective: my perspective. Certainly I support the movement to engage immature humans in the game of fishing, but it is not for the aforementioned reasons. I encourage fly fishermen to bring their spawn to the river for the matter of sport and continued amusement.

The fisherman will likely either cast the fly himself before handing the rod to their youngster so that the child may hope to hook into a fish. Or the fisherman may set the hook on a diminutive fish before transferring the rod to the child. In some instances the youngster may even have the skills necessary to cast their own fly. What happens up to the point when the fish is hooked is of little concern to this discussion. Once the fish is hooked it becomes a matter that bears worth examining much more closely.

When small fish are hooked, the child is well left to their own to reel in their catch while the fisherman looks on with great pride. But what of the moment when it becomes infinitely clear that the fish on the other end of the line is none other than yours truly?  No fisherman can resist the temptation to grab the rod from the hands of the child.  The fisherman tells the child, “That’s a big fish, son. Better let Daddy help you.”  While hoping to appear protective and concerned for the welfare of the child (as well he should be), the fisherman’s motives are wrought with deception and selfish intent. It is at this point that my fun begins.

There is little that I enjoy more than grabbing hold of a poorly-presented streamer and running downstream a good ways. I’ll initiate the fun by taking the length of fly line before pausing to give the fisherman a false sense of accomplishment. It is common at this point for the fisherman to glance at their awestruck child and proclaim, “Looks like dad has turned the fish, son!”  Admiration and pride emanate from youngster as they watch their father mightily battle the great fish.  At this moment, the father is the most powerful man in the world in the eyes of their child. The fisherman knows this, and wears a smug expression accordingly. At this point I could simply snap the leader, but that would merely result in disappointment for those standing on the bank of the river. I’m just getting started.

Waiting just long enough for the fisherman to retrieve a small amount of line, I turn into the river’s current until the backing has been completely removed from the fisherman’s reel–the drag of which has by now been compromised. At this point considerable damage to the fisherman’s tackle will occur, including but not limited to the snapping of the rod. There are other degrees of damage that can be sustained which I will talk about in another sermon, but for now it’s safe to assume that devastation occurs. There is no greater satisfaction I can derive than the reaction of the fly fisherman, who at this point is reduced either to tears or given to an impressive outburst of profanity: often both. Also priceless is the expression on the face of the child as their role model suffers a complete emotional breakdown in front of them. Often the child inquires, “Daddy, what does god %a6&+ mother$#@*&@! mean?”

These are the moments I live for and in fact I’ve been known to hand out trophies to these men:

The Angry Fisherman Trophy

So please, bring your child fly fishing. The future depends on it.

I am Roderick Hawg-Brown and I speak the truth.